It is funny how life works, isn’t it?

Sometimes, the most significant shifts in life do not come from moments of triumph, but from crisis. We often chase dreams with clear paths, only to find our purpose shines from adversity. For me, that life-altering wake-up call I will never forget did not arrive wrapped in a red bow. It emerged from the heart of the terrifying Ebola outbreak in 2016. However, before we dive into the extraordinary, almost unbelievable, journey of how Thou Shalt Love, my debut novel, came into existence, allow me to rewind a bit. This is not only a story about writing a romantic women’s fiction novel inspired by my Liberian roots, it is a deeply personal narrative of battling depression, discovering the unexpected solace of creative writing, and proving that even when the world feels like it is collapsing, a new purpose can rise from the ashes.

This is not a conventional tale of literary ambition. We will talk about ambition later. Instead, it is a raw, honest look at how I navigated the unimaginable task of writing a novel through depression. Imagine facing that blank page, the confusion of what to write, how to write, when you can feel every fiber of your being weighed down by a murky cloud, a silent, cunning force called depression. Yet, amidst that struggle, an undeniable truth arises: God has not forgotten me. He was working behind the scenes, bringing me to a place of true purpose and legacy; that my voice, the stories he placed inside of me, needed to be told. 

This post will peel back the layers of that experience, sharing the specific struggles I faced, the unexpected strategies I stumbled upon, and the profound, transformative power of channeling pain into prose and prose into purpose. It is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit that would not have it any other way but to find the unexpected healing power within the pages of a developing manuscript, offering hope and understanding to anyone navigating the complex intersection of mental health and creativity. 

My journey to becoming a first-time author while navigating such a challenging period underscores a powerful message: your darkest moments can, surprisingly, ignite your greatest creations. When God said in Romans, chapter eight, verse twenty-eight, that all things will work together for the good of those who love God and are called by his purpose, he was not just fronting because he wanted to seem cool. He meant it. This is my author’s journey, one fueled by adversity and the unyielding desire to create something bigger than myself.

My Cyprus life had been an absolute dream. I had a vibrant life woven within the threads of academic success, exhilarating travels across Europe and the U.S. Laughter-filled beach camping trips and endless sleepovers with friends were also experiences I would never forget or downplay in shaping the woman I am today. I was truly living what felt like a movie, unburdened and thriving. I graduated in 2016 with my head full of dreams of returning to Liberia, to a promising job (I was sure of it), and the life I had so carefully built there. But like a terrifying plot twist I did not see coming, Ebola became worse, and Liberia was not a place anyone would voluntarily travel to

Yes, Ebola was in Liberia when I left for Cyprus. It was the reason the University of East Anglia swallowed up my one thousand plus pounds, because the U.K. had banned Liberians. I did not want to wait for the following semester, so Cyprus happened. Talk about all things working for my good!

The eighteen months I spent getting my master’s degree shielded me from the grim reality of seeing firsthand people losing their lives daily. My mom, understandably, was frantic. Her motherly instinct meant she simply could not bear the thought of me returning to a country that she did not feel safe in. “Don’t come back,” she begged, her voice crooked. “Things are worse than when you left them. This person died two days ago, and yesterday three deaths came,” she began to list the people whom she knew who had died. 

“Don’t be stubborn and come here. You will regret it. Stay until things are better and then come.” For once, I listened. It was a miracle that I listened to my mother. Instead of flying back into the heart of the crisis, I rerouted straight to the U.S., my multiple-entry visa was my only ticket to what I hoped would be safety. But let me tell you, arriving in America, the “land of opportunity,” was the last place I wanted to stay long-term. Vacationing twice a year to meet friends and family, like I had been doing, was cool, but that was where my love ended. 

The stark reality of my situation hit me hard. I did not have permanent resident status; I could not work. I was a glorified tourist without a home or job. This was not the vibrant life I had in Liberia, this was bad for me.

And that was when the creeping spirit of depression visited. I say spirit because no one can convince me that an ordinary thing can take away God’s joy, stick so close to your head that you feel empty, lost, so pained that your chest would occasionally want to burst out of your chest. It plays with your health so badly that your monthly flow disappears for six months without any fear of pregnancy, except through an immaculate conception.  

Growing up in Liberia, there is this unspoken cultural narrative: “Africans don’t get depressed”. People say this to defend our difficult experiences in life, hardening us to the point where we can easily adapt to harsher conditions. Our society taught us to be tough, to survive, to overcome without complaint. But what I did not realize was that the sheer magnitude of this unexpected struggle was quietly, relentlessly breaking me down even when I did not know I was depressed. 

Everything about how I lived during depression went against everything I had previously judged. I had a roof over my head.  I lived with my cousin, Nathaniel, God bless Nath for me, and he took great care of me. I had food, clothes, shelter, etc. Nath made sure to give me pocket money to buy my toiletries or whatever I needed. He never once made me feel uncomfortable or like a burden to him; instead, he made me feel like I was the best thing that happened to North Dakota. Depression did not make sense at that time. Truthfully, it still does not.

There I was in Nath’s guest room, depending on him to provide for my needs. The stark contrast between my independent life in Liberia, where I had my house built by age twenty, and a coveted NGO job, and my current existence, living off someone else’s kindness, was a constant, painful reminder of everything I had lost.

This was not just a fleeting sadness; it was a profound sense of loss and disorientation from everything I had gotten used to. I felt hopeless and lost. Then one day, I finally understood why people commit suicide. I did not think about doing it, though. I knew I could never do that. My life was too precious, and my grandmother would never have recovered from that. That would have been her end. I thought about all the people I loved, and all those who loved me. I could never bring such sadness into the world. It was not in me to do that. My grandmother had so much hope and certainty in my future. There was no way I would allow the devil to rob us of the experience of that future.

And then one beautiful day that seemed ordinary, I lay there alone on the couch watching Netflix and heard a voice clearer than the TV show.  “Get up, and write.” God had finally had enough of seeing his favorite child sulking in self-pity. 

It was like a switch flipped. A sudden, sharp clarity amidst an overwhelming haze. I paused the television, instantly walked inside my room, sat at my laptop, took a deep breath, and, almost on instinct, started typing my name.

But then… I was confused. What was I supposed to write? I did not have a plot, a character, or a single scene formed in my mind. This was new territory for me, a novice in the world of prose writing.

In that moment of uncertainty, my friends were a huge support. I do not know what I would have done without them during that period. I picked up the phone and called my gifted and, frankly, crazy Ghanaian friend, Saajida. I desperately needed a plot, a direction for this sudden, divine instruction. Without missing a beat, in her typically brilliant way, she said, “Let one character be a sex addict and the other, brash”.

And just like that, Thou Shalt Love took me. It was an instant click. I now knew exactly what to write. The characters, the conflict, and the core of the story burst forth. From that moment, a fire ignited within me. With the plot solidified, and Michael’s consistent support, which I will talk about in a moment, I wrote and wrote like a mad woman, possessed by the story. It was an intense, almost feverish creation period. Despite the lingering presence of depression, the narrative flowed, and I finished the entire book, my debut novel, in an astonishing one month. It felt like the words were simply being channeled through me.

Michael, my dear friend, must have been sent by God Himself. He read just a few pages of what I had written, and without hesitation, his words cut through my self-doubt: “This is good. You’ve got to finish it. I want to know how this ends.” His simple validation was a jolt of electricity, a spark of hope that what I was pouring onto the page, even in my darkest moments, held value. It was the first external affirmation that writing a novel while depressed was not just a personal struggle, but a burgeoning creative endeavor.

Michael was not just a friend who offered a compliment and moved on. He became my unwavering push, my unexpected anchor in the tumultuous seas of my author journey. He transformed into my unpaid editor, my cheerleader, and my relentless motivator all rolled into one. Every few days, a message would pop up: “Where’s the next chapter?” He would bug me constantly for the next part of the story, his enthusiasm a steady flame against the darkness of my moods. He saw the potential in Thou Shalt Love when I could barely see past my reflection on the laptop screen. He knew I was onto something truly special, long before I ever believed it myself. This consistent, gentle pressure was exactly what I needed. It built a subtle accountability that kept me tethered to the manuscript, even on days when depression threatened to pull me under.

He was not just a friend; he was a brother. He was the kind of person who would genuinely go out of his way to help you, no matter what it took. Without him, I sincerely believe I might still be sulking on that couch somewhere in the U.S., watching my life pass me by, the dream of becoming a novelist long forgotten. His belief in me became a mirror, reflecting a capacity I could not perceive in myself. He understood, without needing to be told, that this act of creative writing was more than just a hobby; it was a lifeline, a form of mental health advocacy for myself, allowing me to process and transform my pain.

Read the tea on my debut novel and series in this blog post.

Steamy Love, Raw Truths: A Women’s Fiction Series on Sex Addiction, Abuse & Unyielding Family Bonds

Writing a novel with depression is not a clear path. It is a series of starts, stops, and often, unexpected detours into the depths of self-doubt. However, I found myself slowly shifting back to myself. I was too occupied mentally and physically to be depressed. Every minute of every day, my head was forming the story. It was exactly what I needed. To complete Thou Shalt Love, I had to develop some unconventional strategies, born out of necessity rather than design. 

A few core pillars were prayers, talking to my friends, writing, and resting, which anchored my routines during this challenging time. This was not about a rigid schedule, but a flexible rhythm that allowed me to nurture myself while pursuing my unexpected calling. Prayer provided the spiritual solace and guidance I needed most. Beyond the foundational anchors of prayer, friends, writing, and rest, specific tools also became invaluable. For structuring a novel and keeping track of characters, plotlines, and research, Scrivener was a lifesaver, allowing me to organize my thoughts far more effectively than a simple word processor. And while the first draft was all about getting the words out, for the later stages of refining and polishing, robust editing tools like ProWritingAid / Grammarly Premium became essential, catching nuances my tired and inexperienced eyes might have missed. 

The first, and perhaps most crucial, writing technique was embracing micro-goals. The idea of writing a novel that was 40,000-plus words felt as monumental as climbing Mount Everest in flip-flops. It was paralyzing. So, I stopped thinking about the book. Instead, I thought about “pages”. Could I write five pages daily? Surprisingly, the fun I had writing the book made me write twenty pages every day. And on a slow day, ten pages.

I also learned to create a routine. Since I am a morning person, I put all my writing in the mornings, while I am in my best form. I learned to be kind to myself on days when I needed a mental and physical break, but I had to write something every day. 

Lowering my expectations for the first draft was another revelation. I used to be a perfectionist, but life has taught me that sometimes all we need is to write the first bad draft, and we can learn from there and move forward. The goal was not a polished masterpiece; it was simply to get the story out. Every word was a victory, no matter how clumsy or imperfect. This acceptance of imperfection liberated me. It meant I could write messy characters whose flaws were as clear as my writing, imperfect, but extraordinarily amazing. While my focus then was just getting words on the page, looking back, tools like QuillBot would have been incredible for quickly refining those messy drafts. They would have helped me to rephrase my sentences or tighten up my story without losing my unique voice. QuillBot is fantastic for polishing up your work once the core story is down.

There were times when my energy was low that I used dictation software to simply speak my thoughts and dialogue, letting technology do the heavy lifting of transcription. Honestly, they did not work well for me at that time because I found myself having to edit much of what I dictated since my Liberian accent was different for the software to pick up clearly. It might also be because I am a fast speaker, and I needed to speak slowly for the software to catch my words correctly. Six years later, technology has advanced, and we have better ones that can do the job just right, even for a Liberian woman like me. Now, with so much to do and little time to achieve them all, I find myself using this software often. 

If you are thinking about getting dictation software, check out powerful options like Otter.Ai for transcribing thoughts and brainstorming sessions. Even readily available tools like Google Docs Voice Typing have significantly improved.

Beyond these strategies, managing my overall mental health was paramount. While I have not gone into detail about specific treatments, acknowledging the importance of self-care for writers and creatives who spend most of their days indoors became non-negotiable. Writing became my salvation, and slowly I forgot my troubles. I had a new purpose, a calling, a mission, and a vision, and depression had no space in my life anymore. For what has light got to do with darkness? No longer did I feel sad; I felt energized. I felt like myself again. 

Because I was so full of ideas and could not stop, I thought to divide the story into a three-part series. Thou Shalt Love, Thou Shalt Trust, and Thou Shalt Forgive. I finished them all in three months. Though if I had the chance to do it all again, I would have made a really big book and not left readers a huge cliffhanger like I did with the two books. But then it was best for me. The day I typed “The End” on Thou Shalt Forgive was the day my life found true meaning. I finally knew what I was placed on earth to do. I had always wondered what my gift was. Getting degrees in Political Science and International Relations still left me in limbo about my life. I was getting an education, but I wanted more than just a job in government. My spirit knew there had to be more. I just did not know that it had to take being stuck out of my comfort zone and depression to show me my purpose.  

Finishing that series and holding the tangible proof of my perseverance and God’s love and mercy for me was a moment of immense pride. It gave me a quiet, profound triumph over the overwhelming despair that had threatened to consume me. Depression lost its name, and like it crept in slowly without me noticing I had it, it crept out the same way without me realizing I was free. My menstruation started again, and I went back on Facebook, where all my friends were, and where I had previously disappeared from, now returning as a published author of three books.

This experience taught me invaluable lessons about the strength and resilience God instilled in me. We were all born with it. You only need to find yours, and if you cannot, ask God to show you. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. ~ James 1:5. 

It showed me that even when life throws the most unexpected, devastating curveballs, and even when your mind feels like your biggest enemy, you possess an inherent strength to push through. It taught me the true nature of creativity.  It is not only a luxury reserved for times of peace and inspiration, but can also be a powerful, therapeutic writing tool that can emerge even from chaos. It profoundly impacted my understanding of living with depression and pain. It is not about waiting for the storm to disappear, but about learning to live and create alongside it, finding moments of purpose within its confines. Remember that all things work together for the good of those who love God and are called by his purpose. ~ Romans 8:28

Thank God for platforms like Fiverr, which made it easier for me to get people for everything. From finding professional editors to formatting specialists, to stunning book cover designers, I sourced everything I needed for my finished novel and current website designer from there. It is a fantastic resource for indie authors and anyone wanting to start a business online.

The journey did not end with the final word. The publishing journey for a first-time Liberian author is another beast entirely, one that requires a special kind of resilience and an ongoing commitment to mental health management. But having completed Thou Shalt Love and the remaining books in the series while battling such demons, I faced subsequent challenges with a newfound strength. It was proof that I could achieve monumental goals, even when operating at a fraction of my perceived capacity. My author journey has since evolved, but the foundational lessons from that period about self-compassion, micro-victories, and the power of a supportive friend continue to guide me. I do not suffer from depression anymore. However, I continue to manage my mental and spiritual health actively, understanding that yes, depression is a sickness, but it is also a demon, and acknowledging this means tackling it from every angle to remain free from it forever. I have since learned to count my blessings every day and thank God for what he has given me. I have learned to be positive and see the good in everything because, again, all things work together for my good.  And I have also been active in journaling my goals, plans, and thoughts. For anyone looking to cultivate a similar practice of reflection and intentional growth, I have found immense benefit from the personal growth planner and self-help books. The personal growth planner is a roadmap to becoming the best version of yourself. In it, you will be able to track your reflections, visions, actions, and growth. If you need more help, consider online therapy. They offer discreet, professional help. Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is heal.

My story of writing a novel while depressed is not just about explaining to you how I wrote my debut novel. It is a testament to the power of pushing forward, finding your purpose in the unlikeliest of circumstances, and understanding that your greatest challenges can, unexpectedly, lead you to your purpose. It is a message of hope and validation for anyone navigating the complex interplay of creative writing and mental health. Remember, you are not alone in your struggles, and you do not have to stifle your creativity.  It can be the very force that helps you heal and grow. My Friend, Saajida, always claims that she writes better when she is angry. Maybe you, too, can use your pain to create a masterpiece. Use your pain to heal yourself. Others have done it, so can you. No matter how difficult things get, no matter how deep the shadows of depression feel, keep pushing forward, even with tiny steps. You do not have to write a whole book in one month or three in three months like I did. My calling and method would always be different from yours. You can do what works for you. 

Write when you do not feel like it. Write even when you do not know what to write. Watch TV, read a book, plot with your friends, but just do it. Write the mess. Keep writing the mess until someday it becomes a purpose. You never know what seemingly insurmountable crisis is quietly pushing you toward your true calling, toward your novel, or toward the next big dream waiting to be unearthed.

Are You Ready to Share Your Story or Build Your Platform?

Just as I found my purpose in creating my novel, I quickly realized that that was only a fraction of the work done. Being an author goes deeper than just writing your books and publishing them. I have, over the years, learned that building an online presence for your work or any passion is a powerful step. Here are the essential tools I believe can help you be successful in reaching a wider audience. This ranges from plotting your story to launching your website and making sales.

Host Your Website with Confidence

Your website needs a reliable home. Bluehost is a fantastic, beginner-friendly choice, especially if you are looking to start a blog or author website with WordPress. They offer great support and affordable plans to get you started.

Optimize and Reach Your Target Audience

For streamlining your content creation process, especially if you are like me, blogging about writing or your book, GetGenie AI offers powerful AI assistance for generating quick ideas, outlines, and even first drafts directly within WordPress.

To ensure Google can push your blog posts and author website to people searching for what you write about, an SEO tool like ALSEO can help you optimize your content for search engines, increasing your visibility. You do not want to just write your book and be done with it. Take this from someone who has been there. You will regret it after seeing years go by, and no one is buying your book.  You will realize that all the efforts, time, and money you spent on getting your book published are almost wasted. I said almost because there is hope for you yet.

Build Your Audience with Email

Connecting directly with your readers is invaluable. Email marketing services like ConvertKit and Flodesk are my recommendations for authors and creators. Flodesk was my first email marketing company, which I used for my first blog in 2016. I love it. This website is built with CoverKit. Well, I could not choose between the two, so my web designer did. You can build your list, send updates, and engage with your community effectively using any of them.

Have you faced a life-altering challenge that pushed you toward your true calling? Share your story in the comments below! Your experience could be the inspiration someone else needs to start their journey of writing a novel with depression or overcoming their obstacles.

And if you are curious to read the books that came from this incredible, transformative journey, check out Thou Shalt Love, Thou Shalt Trust, and Thou Shalt Forgive. See what Goodreads has to say about the story that was born from my deepest despair. Check out my shop. They have the same heart as Thou Shalt Love. By the way, did you know that Who is Ma Kemah? is a bestseller! See what the hype is about? Truthfully, I poured everything inside of me into this book.